As my stress level boils over and my blood pressure peaks at levels unsafe for mortal man, I am sitting here and attempting to wrap my arms around a topic which suits this entry. What struck me was that some days require so much strength and resilience to just get through. That idea seemed like something I could address here. I must disclaim now that you should not read on through this entry if you (1) are offended by my harshness and colorful descriptions of life or (2) are opposed to inspirational thought mustered through courage and sacrifice. This entry runs the risk of offending someone, hurting feelings, and having people question my sanity.

So onward I press. Those that know me know that I have lived with a chip on my shoulder feeling there is a common thread in this universe that believes I am inadequate. It is a simple underdog type mentality if I had to categorize it. I have always felt that this was a common denominator I shared with some of my closest friends and family. We have felt less than desirable, like we are the forgotten sons and daughters. This small generalization is the combustible oil which has fueled my burning desire to go farther, work harder, be better, and set expectations to near unachievable levels. As a result, at times I have fought depression and introspectively wondered if I really was what ‘they’ thought.

I guess my message here is to those just like me that are struggling to find direction and strength when constantly being dealt haymaker blows across the chin. It’s for those who have choked back tears and swallowed lies. It’s for those whose lives have been unexpectedly rearranged by loss. It’s for those who work for a better tomorrow for their children to give them a landscape where they can create and follow their destiny with the greatest of success. It’s for those who feel they are an audience of one and no one is listening. You are not alone. If you listen closely, you can hear other angry voices coming from garages around the world. It has never been as easy being a grown up as it seemed when you were young. It seems that the setbacks and disappointments occur at a steady frequency. The feelings of helplessness surround you like sharks ready to converge on their prey. Even now, there seem to be so many things going on in our lives ranging from the shitty global economy, to the loss of loved ones, to the uncertainty in our future. I think it is easy to lose sight of the power of one’s self. I am sure that ranges from person to person. But at the end of the day, I think your spirit being intact is the same with us all.

I have been knocked around quite a bit these last few years. However, I have always managed to stagger back on to my feet. Never be a defeatist. Never give in to not being exactly what you define yourself as. I have always felt that the greatest strength is being able to find your resolve and step back up after a debilitating knock down. It’s the core attribute that will carry you through the darkest of hours and the most unfortunate of times. It’s a mix of faith and hard work packaged into a neat little word that means so much. People will talk about fate and destiny and the path chosen for you. I am a believer in creating your path and direction based on the waypoints you read along the way. There are obstacles and setbacks throughout life. There is adversity that is unavoidable but it is less about fate and ‘that’s the way things are.’ It is more about a gauge of character and how you find that inner strength to rise up, respond, and overcome defeat. Nothing is so bad that it can not be overcome by believing in one’s self and summoning that resolve. Don’t get me wrong, I always have thought things happen for a reason. But to me, it is less about fate and more about ‘how am I going to respond to this?’ and ‘what can I learn from this and learn about myself?’ The great thing about belief is that it is personal and my ideas may not mesh with yours. However, I don’t think you can deny that having inner strength and continuing to believe in your self is different in anyone’s eyes. We all want to be strong and know we are going the right way. Some call it faith, some call it resolve. Brand it however you like to help you sleep at night. Whatever you call it, find it and hold on to it tightly like Linus and his blanket.

Along the way, it will feel like everything and maybe even everyone is against you and has a hidden motive to destroy your worth and your dreams. The setback and disappointments are nothing more the lessons to dig deep and find the resolve to push on through the fear and pain. Those that stand in your way, let them continue to believe that we are failures, we are forgotten, we are lost, and we are unworthy. Our truth is what we design in our soul not through the discussions of our professional contributions or who ‘they’ think we are. We have resolve and our engines may sputter but will never die. Our days are so precious and so few that it makes no sense to not believe in your self and push to near impossible limits. Find comfort in knowing that you have the ability to rise up at any time. Your heart is like an emotional-bomb proof vault holding the fire of your soul. That fire never dies or burns out. It is your engine.


This entry has taken several days to write because of setbacks. So I have had to really dig in to be composed. But as I conclude, I am very grateful to know my soul knows no defeat. Those of you reading this entry also have it. If you have read this far, you must be intrigued or know that we all have this undying engine. In the end, I am a punk rock dad. So inevitably I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about my abilities, personality, behavior, or what I believe in. My acceptance or approval rating can be negative with the rest of the world as long as at the end of my days here, my two sons can look back on their father’s life and say, “He did it for us.’ That is the approval I cherish. Don’t ever forget how much you mean to someone and your value is judged more in spirit and servitude to them rather than in ROI, job classifications, and core competencies.