I’ve taken the opportunity to glance back on a few of my last posts recently and see a trend starting to continue through many of the entries. This blog has become a medium to disseminate family news as well as an emotional platform for deeper discussions. At times it’s become my diary or a thoroughfare to my heart. I’m writing this paragraph after the entry below almost in an effort to qualify its existence and its meaning. It’s a finger waving, you better listen to what I say article edited to fit here.

“A line of strands to mark the trail; No one said it would be easy. I must admit I thought the risk was better waged in younger seasons.”

The well-worn traveled path of life has been broad and well lit at times. But more often then I care to count; it’s been cold and winding through a dark dead wintery forest. Maybe it’s the current weather pattern or maybe it’s precisely the way I feel it. Despair. On dark, stormy nights like tonight, I can’t help but think of the blatant metaphorical imagery represented in the wind and rain ravaging the trees like my hurt tearing through the fabric of my being. I have to wonder and question whether or not I am capable.


Writing my feelings here, I’m praying that I don’t come across as preaching or telling you what to do. That’s really the last thing I want to be portrayed in this scribbling. I hope that you both can take what I’ve written here and know the depth of my feelings and the honest hope I have in the both of you. My life has been less than perfect and is blemished with poor decisions and indiscretions. There have been a fair share of disappointments and failures along the way. I just hope you both know how much you mean to me despite my inability to effectively communicate my love.

My heart and health have deteriorated over the years. There will be a day that my creative, emotional edge will be gone and I’ll be nothing more than a fragile pile of bones. It just seems like so much has been lost over the years. So much so, that the incremental positive additions sometimes get passed over in lieu of focusing on the painful regret. Two gleaming positive examples are the both of you. Too much time and emotion has worn me down over the years to dull off my once knife-edged personality. The both of you are pillars of purity that I can turn to when I’m lost or confused. I can hang my hat on the coat rack of your existence knowing success has come my way twice in life.


Please don’t let the horrible acts of people morph you into something different. My faith has been worn and my hands have been tied over the years. I feel like I’ve lost an important part of me along the way. Almost as if it is that one item a person forgets to pack after so many blurry nights in a hotel after long business travel. The days and nights blur into each other and time is lost. Packing for the next stage becomes tedious and details are lost. More importantly, personal essence is lost. Just like the cell phone charger you leave in the Motel 6, I forgot to pack my resilience.

Both of you are what I will leave behind; an incomplete legacy, unwritten for you to develop and partially conclude until you pass it on to your children. I pray that you discover that I’ve given you all the tools you need to handle the mistakes and heartache in front of you. No matter the how isolated either of your feel, you must always remember that there’s no one more dedicated to you than your brother. It’s easy to feel like you’re trapped in a dream or alone in a world of million of souls where you are without hope. When there is no one else, there is each other. I don’t know how I can empress how important this point is for the both of you. Lack of recognition wasted years of hope.


It’s very easy to ignore the signs as they’re revealed but you must keep an eye on the winding road ahead of you. The vast majority of the time, there’s very little time to react to the curves that come up blindly. I’d imagine that my words here are going to be viewed as preaching. Knowing that you both are aware of your father’s inability to be succinct or my inability to NOT discuss my opinions, I hope you both are open to hearing my heartfelt words. Thinking back, I can unfortunately not remember much of the encouraging advice from your grandparents. I know it was there, but all the changes in direction along the path have affected the line of sight I can see through the rear view mirror. So you tend to forget all with time.

I am finally coming to grips with the obscure point that the sun is setting for me. Now I pass on the incomplete legacy to you for your generation to continue. Know that no matter the redirection of the path or the obstacles that pre-empt your travels, I am with you and more proud than any father could be. You both are better.

With all that I can give, your dad.

“And when the path I have made from the grass to the grave, I will love you still. And when the sand turns to glass and all that’s left is the past, I will love still.”