Moving on now to the second part of the thankfulness installment. If you recall from the first entry, I’m thankful for ears. And it’s not that I have model-quality ears or elephant ears for that matter. I’m thankful for the functionality of ears; hearing. Keep in mind that hearing doesn’t equate to listening. My wife will tell you that I hear things fine, but my listening skills may be less than stellar or desirable by her judgment.

Son #2 is an odd duck. Now just cresting two years old, a majority of the spoken words that emanate from his mouth are incomprehensible. It’s amusing to watch people try and talk to him in public and he will spew forth a set of nondescript words that confuse even the most fluent of English speaking folks.


PART II
Son #2, while know significantly fewer words and lacking in the enunciation of spoken word, tends to jaw with his equally unique stories as well. Instead of gracing you the reader with any one of his intelligible diatribes, I thought it would be more useful to provide a translation document for your decrypting needs when communicating with Son #2. Think of this following list as the toddler version of Rosetta Stone for missing consonant sounds and incorrectly emphasized syllables.


Courtesy of yourdictionary.com and my general knowledge of his vocabulary:

mors (more) n. 1. a greater amount or quantity; generally used with candy or fish crackers.

ight (light) n. 1. a source, such as fire, that admits illumination.

moon (moon) n. 1. the celestial body that revolves around the earth in 27 days with reference to the stars and once in 29 days with reference to the sun, and that accompanies the earth in its yearly revolution about the sun OR anything bright in the sky.

fiss (fish) n. 1. the baked cracker goodness from Pepperidge Farms and only satisfactory item for all meals.

huggies (hug) n. 1. the act of embracing a friend or loved one when there is a need to coerce that loved one into giving you what you want.

gall gone (all gone) n. 1. the absence of a wanted object; nothing remaining.

gan gad (grandad) n. 1. the father of one’s father or mother who condones running and shrieking indoors.

ido (I do) n. 1. affirmative answer to all non-go-to-bed related questions.

gammy (grammy) n. 1. the mother of one's father or mother typically trafficking significant amounts of objects of play.

out (out) adv. 1. away from, forth from, or removed from a place, position, or situation.

bruz (brother) n. 1. a boy related to one by having a parent in common and one’s sworn adversary.

mom-mee (mommy) n. 1. the female parent of a plant or animal and source of comfort and punishment.

dad-dee (daddy) n. 1. a person regarded as a male parent seen as a punisher though possessing no real power.

cars (cars) n. 1. any vehicle on wheels

fuck (truck) n. 1. an automotive vehicle for hauling loads along highways, streets, etc.

ining (lightning) n. 1. a flash of light in the sky caused by the discharge of atmospheric electricity from one cloud to another or between a cloud and the earth OR the Disney automotive character one wants from one’s brother.

wardz (water) n. 1. the colorless, transparent liquid occurring on earth as rivers, lakes, oceans, etc., falling from the clouds as rain, and emitted through one’s refrigerator dispenser.

milk (milk) n. 1. a white emulsion secreted by the mammary glands of female mammals for suckling their young.

peetz (pizza) n. 1. a baked pie of Italian origin consisting of a shallow breadlike crust covered with toppings such as seasoned tomato sauce, cheese, or pepperoni.

buss (bus) n. 1. a large, long motor vehicle designed to carry many kids, usually along a regular route.

guy (guy) n. 1. a man or boy; plush stuffed monkey for comfort.

nannas (bananas) n. 1. the long, curved fruit of these plants which usually has a soft, sweet, whitish pulp and a thick, usually yellowish skin.

powerz (powder) n. 1. a dry substance in the form of very fine, dustlike particles, for sprinkling in a diaper.

blow cannles (blow out candles) v. 1. to extinguish any cylindrical mass of wax with a wick through its center by puffing small amounts of air through a thinly opened lips.

peez (please) n. 1. used in polite requests

gen (again) adv. 1. once more

tanks (thanks) n. 1. an expression of gratitude; grateful acknowledgment of something received by or done for one

eat (eat) v. 1. to put (food) in the mouth, chew if necessary, and swallow.

This is only an abbreviated list of the words and phrases that Son #2 tends to mutter. Now armed with these words, you the reader can successfully communicate with Son #2. Granted, your topics will be limited to asking for Pepperidge Farms fish crackers, ordering a mil, and negotiating die cast metal cars away from their oppression.


The great part is hearing him try to work his mumbling and sometimes incomprehensible words into phrases and stories so he can get what he wants. Son #1 and #2 aren’t all that different in that regard. Both want things and both use incredibly long drawn out stories ordering words in odd forms to attempt to get their points across. The difference, Son #1 paints a long drawn out picture with out using punctuation. This ultimately confuses the listener and out of listener fatigue, you submit to his needs. Son #2, with significantly less words but significantly more phonetic complicating sounds, uses burst of phrases emphatically delivered with varying intonation and volume. Again, it wears the listener down to the point of submission and/or insanity.


They must be related based on the above communicative efficiencies. Despite my near unending listener fatigue, I’m very thankful that I can hear Son #2 ramble his nondescript words in his own attempt to deliver value to a conversation.