Once again, I’m late on my monthly review of a new piece of audio entertainment. It’s been one thing after another and excuse on top of excuse. While I was commuting home on the train today, I was listening to the subject album for the review and penning my thoughts down. Late again. Writing about what you like should not be this hard though. But it’s after a tough day of work where you are in meetings with the man, interrupted by needy co-workers, and had an overall bad day.

I hopped off the train and marched over to my ride in a hurry to get home and grab my bike in order to get a little riding in before the autumn monsoon hits the Seattle area for the next six months. I’ve been thinking about canceling my satellite radio account. I don’t spend enough time in the car to warrant the ridiculous amount of scrilla I pay for this service. However, on the drive home…..it hit me.

Glad I didn’t cancel it yet because I heard a song that changed it all for me. From beaten and bewildered to hopeful, optimistic and realistic.

It got me thinking and reflecting about a couple nights ago where I was short with the kids. I bring this baggage home from work and sometimes count the minutes until the loudness created by my offspring finally goes to bed. I don’t want to be that dad. I want to be the dad clutching every moment to that very last second and enjoying it until it’s gone. Eagerly awaiting that next moment with them. I am that dad.

It’s a feeling I felt brewing inside me. Value things more. But not just that, show that things are of value to you. A bad day, a bad week, a bad month doesn’t diminish the value of those things in your life. An epiphany of sorts, if you will.

I’m going to hold Son #2 just a little tighter and a little longer at bedtime. I’m going to make sure he’s at peace by rubbing his back to relax him. Then make sure when I lay him down in his bed he knows that his dad loves him.


I’m going to build that train set with Son #1 all over our bonus room, off the table, onto the windowsill, under the foosball table, and around the couch. Oh yeah, and we will play Lego Batman until his mother unplugs the Wii. He needs to know that he is the best.


And the running, jumping, sliding, and stomping on our refinished hardwoods? Well, maybe I can loosen up a bit and enjoy that those moments of destroying my house are finite. One day in the very near future, I’ll be boxing those kids up and helping them move in to their own houses. And believe me, I’ll be running and sliding on their hardwoods. You only live once.

The simplicity of holding my wife’s hand, a tender kiss, and a well timed honest compliment are the intricate fibers the weave a tight relationship that weathers those bad days. It’s not weak to be in love especially when her heart is shelter.


Everyday can’t be the best day but you got to let it go. I’m going to make a better effort to drop those bags of the day at the door. The kids are tough and push my buttons on routine frequency. But those moments of soulful bliss with them are worth it.

Those of you reading this entry and relating to the challenges of your day, you’re not alone. Listen to the song here on this blog’s playlist, take the lyrics to heart and hug those kids of yours, don’t let the mundane job make you light your break room on fire, forget that fifth period teacher sweating you for your homework or who you will take to the Homecoming dance, don’t worry about mowing the lawn today your grass is brown, so what if you’re car is broke down or needs service because it’s a piece of junk anyway, do what you can right now and don’t hesitate to make the day better.

Sometimes one small thing like a song can reboot your soul. Turn it up.

On the eve of a big day in your life, you’re usually overcome with anxiety and fear. Fortunately for me, I’ve been overcome with the stress of mismanaged resource at work and the confliction of new home ownership so I‘ve avoided thinking about tomorrow..

Tomorrow, Son #1 enters the ranks of public school as a kindergartener. And while it is a fairly insignificant occurrence in the greater space-time continuum relationship between stars and planets, it’s a mammoth milestone in the journey of our family unit down the crooked uncharted path of life.

It was almost exactly five and a half years ago to the day. I got up early, washed my car, packed up my pregnant wife into the car, and motored south along the Valley freeway to the hospital. It occurred to me on that drive that in a grossly understated thought, our lives were never going to be the same. Hours later, I was holding Son #1 in my arms, changing my first diaper, and making telephone calls to friends and family that I was now a proud father.

Fast forward through the birth of Son #2, soccer and T-ball, preschool, and millions of random acts of craziness and imaginative stories, and here we are tonight; waiting to get up tomorrow morning and take Son #1 to his new school in our new town. Are we ready? Literally, yes. Figuratively, no. His backpack is packed with his school supplies and his school clothes are laid out for him to easily get dressed. That’s the easy part.


The emotionally challenging task is knowing that he’s growing up. He HAS grown up. He’s going to school without us. Preschool was easy. It was craft time, bible time, and play time at a church. He’s now moving on into an education system which marks a milestone of life of growing older and less dependent on our provisions. He will always be our little boy but in some alternate reality, he has become light years older just in one small moment. Tomorrow he walks into a new challenging and stimulating environment by himself. Tomorrow, we let go and have faith in his heart that he will always be strong enough to combat the fears and challenges of being himself.

I’m very scared that while this is just a first day of school, just kindergarten, little by little, the fears and challenges of the world I could once protect him from are slowly being taken from me and revealed to him. It’s a tragic yet surreal theatrical production where the curtain of the real world is opened on his first act and our production is starting to come to its end. Ever so slowly from this night on, he takes a new step to being a big kid.


Some night like this in the not-so-distant future, I’ll be waking up and he will be a grown man. I’m not rushing him to that. Just the levity of the night is a friendly reminder how quickly life occurs while you are preoccupied managing your day. When I pick this laptop up tomorrow night to finish this entry, my perspective altered permanently much like that drive to the hospital when Son #1 was born. He is only my little boy for such a small moment.

Today, it was painfully obvious by the tears streaming from both my own and my wife’s eyes that Son #1 was handling the first day of school much better than we were. We managed to get out of the car, walk across the street to the locally historic brick elementary school. Son #1 stood there stoically wrapped one arm around my leg and one arm around his mother’s leg. For a moment, it felt like we were going to need to pry him off. But he was much more confident in his surroundings than we gave credit.


I leaned down several times to see how he was doing and with very few words he concluded that he was fine and more importantly, not scared. In a strange dichotomy of life, I was more scared for me than he was for himself. One more milepost of life was past this morning. It marked growth for him and age for me. I don’t think my wife was emotionally prepared for the morning to play out either. I think she may have gone through the hypothetical day in her head multiple times. But when the rubber met the road, her eyes were leaking like an old faucet and her voice cracked like a pubescent challenged 13 year old. But it’s hard to prepare yourself for an event like this in your life. It should be easy.

He was in preschool only months ago. The activity of taking him to school and coming back later to pick him up is not new. But this is his formal foray into the public school system. But even more than that, this was the reality check that he is no longer the little baby we brought home in 2005. It’s only kindergarten. There will be tons of firsts like this in the years to come.


But I think what makes this emotionally complicated is that he was born into a troubled time in our lives. He was our security blanket. The little bit of hope in a desolate stage of life. Just six years ago I was in counseling letting professionals convince me not to end it. And here we are now. My wife and I have battled down this path and come out happy on the other side. If I had to draw any conclusions here, I’d have to say that it was less about us being his security and more about us losing our security in his childhood. He was an emotional crutch for us at times. He was unaware that he was an angel that saved us.

He was leaving us for a few hours a day to emotionally remind us about having some inner resolve. Just like him, lining up at a new school, with no friends, and marching into that classroom. He wasn’t afraid and we shouldn’t be afraid of this next stage. Our security blanket is slowly teaching us the example of resolve.


He did great on his first day of school. Before, during and after. He was filled with stories of the day. Granted, he was more apt to tell the comprehensive version to his grandmother rather than his parents. Tomorrow, another big day. He wants to ride the bus with the other kids. Another step along the journey for me and my wife to let go of the blanket and watch the example he sets for inner resolve, a lack of fear in the unknown, and the innocence of life before it gets complicated.

A great song can easily be judged by how influential it is when you connect with it the first time your hear it and how it never grows old no matter how many million times you listen to it. It’s always relevant to you.

Last Tuesday was a big day musically for me as three of my favorite artists released records. And while this isn’t ‘New Music Monday,’ I can’t help but talk a little bit about a song on one of the albums that made me breakdown a little and think about where I’m at in my life. In a gross understatement that only my wife will get, this has been a ‘busy’ month.

So this is about a song. Listening to it has restored the value and energy I have in my faith and my perseverance as a person. Everything I do has purpose and my effort and belief will be reward despite the disruptions along the way. You see, new employment opportunities, selling the house that both of my children have always known as home, not having a new residence for a destination, and just growing up and trying to be more responsible has really wore me down lately.

Before I go any further, those of you readers who receive email updates, I strongly recommend going to the actual ourowncountry.blogspot.com to get the audible aid in the form of music. And if I can off one more piece of advice…..turn it up LOUD.

I’ve literally listened to this song a hundred times. Each time the result is tears of joy. This is what I’d define as the reason for music. That is; music is what emotions sounds like. If you’ve been following the chronicles of my family and our never-ending life-changing decisions, you know that we once again at a crossroads. And while I have support in every corner of my life, I find that at the end of the day, the accountability for success falls squarely on my shoulders. Lately, I’ve worried greatly about letting everyone down in my house. I look at Son #1 and wonder how can mix his life up like this.


While occasionally you get to make decisions where there are clear successes and failures, typically, our life-changing decision don’t carry the simplicity of these results. They take years to truly evaluate their ramifications. But despite all of the ambiguity in these decisions, I’ve always tried to do my best to evaluate the best answers to our complex problems. And for the first time in my life, I am scared that I risked too much.

Enter Authority Zero and “Get it Right.” Succinctly, it captures what I’m feeling in sound. Twisted thoughts, contrived truths, and misled observations. Here I sit; trying to make the best decisions I can and worry about getting it right. I keep poking my head into harm’s way. I’m scared as hell that I’m going to screw this up and my family will resent the torture I’ll be putting them through. Just the other night after work, I sat with Son #1 on my lap and asked him if he trusted that I would do what is best for him and his brother. I started to break down as I muttered out the question. I couldn’t breathe and I could feel my anxiety begin to creep in to my consciousness. As I sputtered out the words in between tears, Son #1 leaned in closer to me, smiled that big cheesy smile, and said yes, he trusts me.

To cap off the emotion which is gushing like a BP oil spill in the Gulf, this song is like and old friend who knows just what to say, sometimes what not to say, and when and where to say or not to say it. “Get it Right” put a definition on how I’m feeling and how I carry along. Of course my description of the song and my emotions are somewhat irrelevant tot the reader. As with emotion, music is also extremely personal and wildly introspective. But how great is it to have something so esoteric, yet so poignant that connects with you and makes you feel a little more comfortable with the discomfort of life?


Right now, I’m just hoping someday I’ll get it right.

For this review on 'New Music Monday,’ I was left with a challenge of picking one of the three albums we gained in October. In September, it was a fairly easy choice. I opted to pick the album that I enjoyed listening to more than one that may have been more musically challenging. For me, the experience of listening isn’t always about the cerebral dissection of the arrangement. A lot of the time, I just want to be entertained without trying to write a thesis. This month, there are no odds on favorites to get my attention. Each is strong in the merit of music and entertainment. So how do I pick?

Here we go: All three were eagerly anticipated. One of them, I felt completely humbled as I listened. It was like a ghost was talking to me. My feelings for that band run pretty deep. Because of that, I think my normally oh-so-objective writing may be tainted. The remaining two, one is a pet project of one of my favorite performers and the second is a relatively unknown EP release from a female-fronted hardrock band. I am a sucker for all female bands and bands with female lead singers. Winner: female-fronted band. With the choice made, I can move forward on this hotly anticipated review I’m sure you are all on the edge of your seat to read.

The Letter Black is a Pennsylvania-based band signed on the local Tooth and Nail Records. Having an acquaintance who once worked at the label put me in earshot of some of the most poignant musicians I had ever heard. I occasionally peruse the T&N website to see the latest releases. Upon one enchanted visit, I read of band to which I had never heard, The Letter Black. It used to go by the name Breaking the Silence which is coincidentally the name of the EP. If you know anything about Tooth and Nail, the label very rarely signs a band out of alignment with the label’s “directives.” This is a band firmly in line with those. It’s hugely uplifting despite the heaviness of the music.


It has one of those important characteristics that a good record must have. I can relate to it. TLB talks about faith, poor decisions, moving on, and believing in something Divine. It doesn’t hurt that the lead singer is easy on the eyes. As I said, I like female-fronted bands. TLB is the husband and wife team of Sarah and Mark Anthony with Sarah doing the lead vocals and Mark doing the lead guitar work. Saying this album is heavy musically and has a female lead singer will immediately get comparisons to mainstream acts like Paramore, Flyleaf, and Evanescence. The difference here, in my opinion, is the sincerity of The Letter Black.

Find it here: http://www.lala.com/#album/576742229319526817/The_Letter_Black/Breaking_The_Silence

There are significant musical differences here, specifically in production direction, when compared to those three. TLB is rawer and doesn’t have the overdone multi-tracking on guitars and vocals to fill out the sound. It’s rougher and darker and less nu-metal than the others. I would call this emo-Christian metal if I needed to put it in a filing cabinet. Listening to just the music, TLB sounds a bit like Dogfight. But as you listen to the EP, you pick up on subtle influences from genres other than just metal. The appealing characteristic here is the urgency in Sarah’s voice. There is a level of sincerity, almost pleading, in her singing. I was a fan of Amy Lee but got tired of the operatic flight in her voice. Sarah’s singing, while shrill, is convincing and is bent more to a punk rock ear.

With only six tracks on the EP, you don’t get too much material to evaluate their musical chops. Interestingly, this is enough to get a feel of what’s important to the band and to know it’s hugely motivated by Faith. This, to me, is refreshing to hear, and has a huge place in my heart and musical catalogue. So this is less of a review and more of ‘this is why I like this band.’ So let’s pick two songs to give a cross section of the EP Breaking the Silence by The Letter Black. For the record, neither of these are the best on the EP nor are they my favorite. (It’s ‘Perfect’ I suggest a listen to this one LOUD)

Collapse – The most obvious trait here is the honesty of the lyrics. There’s no metaphorical code to decipher, no waxing poetic, just flat out telling it like it is. Like I mentioned above, there is an urgent and fragile sound to Sarah’s voice. I would say that this song is ‘on brand’ for TLB. The drum line is heavy and marching but not at a break-neck pace, just a steady punch to the soul. The power chords drip over the beat in a dark melting wax type of way. I get the vision of a dark room, dimly lit with candles, and the lead singer staring out of the window further in to the darkness of the night.

Best of Me – If there was a math theorem for the creation of a hit alt-rock radio song, it was used here in the writing of this song. Let’s see; use of strings + formulaic repeated chorus + anthemic lyrics + multilayered vocals + acoustic guitar. It’s pop-alt-rock borderline emo-country-something-or-other. Again, there’s a massive amount of sincerity in the lyrics and their delivery. But musically, it’s addictive like crack to listen to. It’s an ‘I-can-relate-to-this-song’ type of song.



I’ve never been outwardly religious. Let me rephrase that. I’m not a formal practitioner of brick-and-mortar-church-sanctioned-religio-indoctrinated followings. Mostly this was because I don’t like being told what to believe and not being allowed to interpret meaning. But I’ve been fortunate to have individuals in my life that have encouraged me to find and explore my spiritual beliefs in a way that was most beneficial to me. These same people introduced me to bands like Third Day and Jars of Clay. Yes, these are NOT punk bands but they are bands I recommend for their spiritual depth, musicality, and lyrical poignancy. The Letter Black is one of those bands.

The recent addition to our family has me somewhat introspective as of late. Of course, being snowed in helps a bit. You get the opportunity to think and get a little stir crazy. The last few days I have had the chance to work virtually at home due to the weather. Being home during a work day poses several problems. One, you don't focus on any task for more than a minute because you get distracted by Lego Racecar games and potty breaks. Two, being at home generally means you are ‘not working’ to those who are around you. Based on the first item, I can see how easy it is to think I am not working. (Then again, maybe it is the loud punk music playing in my office that gives that impression). The third problem is that you worry your peers think you are screwing around which does wonders for the respect factor around the office. Oh well.

That being said, there is a little piece of mind being at home with your family on a work day and being snowed in. You get to participate and experience the processes of the day. First, wake up and pee in the toilet. Breakfast is next and 'I don't want hot chocolate and a muffin. I want hot chocolate muffins.' Then a show, then another show or screaming. Then lunch, monkey soup is the request. What the hell? Then 'I miss my friends,' followed by 'I don't want to take a nap.' This is just the oldest boy. The newborn eats and sleeps at the oddest of hours. It must be nice to be driven by pure impulse and only the satiation of what you need in that moment. Don't get me wrong, this is a great opportunity that I wouldn't miss. It's just that the oldest son keeps coming into the office, looking at the same pictures on the same desk, asking the same questions. Well, at least I know where the question is coming from.

My oldest son is pretty funny. He makes a song out of everything, singing a tune even when he is peeing. While it is annoying when you want him to bring it back a notch, it is great to see him so inspired by music. Those who know me know the importance of music in my life. I have never been able to do anything without some inspirational piece of music playing. I have always been a band nerd. Music and visual art are two things that have provided solace at times when I have been at odds with the struggles of life. While I have searched for perspective, I have always found comfort in music and art. My family is a major anchor in life. But if I had to pick something a little more nebulous in design, it would be music that anchors my soul.

One thing that is eternally difficult to explain is the feeling that music gives you. I find so much comfort in being embraced by the auditory pleasure of the perfect piece of music at the perfect time in life. It is about connecting to something bigger and not feeling so alone. Most people have so much hubris and will not admit to it, but we all feel alone and lost. Here, I am going to attempt to explain a feeling. There is that feeling, something immense that feels like you are at the cusp of something important but you do not know what it is. And may never know. I love listening to records for the first time that drop this on you. They do not come that often though but seem to come at just the appropriate time in life. There is that moment while listening to the music, the lyrics, the progressions, the meter that it just clicks and connects within. It is at that small wrinkled moment in time that you feel completely weak and naked to every feeling in the universe. You are exposed yet protected, hurt yet healed, lost yet led forward. The music is your spiritual path through life.

I had a moment like this a few weeks ago. I wanted to write about it but let it really sink in so I could compose its magnitude here. In a previous post, I mentioned my wife's Christmas decorations. She has millions but I find comfort in it. I was moving boxes of shit around in the garage out of monotony when a song began to play. The whole record was great. It was interesting to listen to, entertaining, and challenging at points. The final song of the album was called 'Free.' This song was not about the latest deal you could get at Wal-Mart during our harsh economic climate. It was about finding that direction we all look for. Standing there in the garage on a cold November morning with a beer in hand, I lost control. I broke down. The song was what I was feeling. I have been so hurried in life to get to my next chapter, my next page, that I lost a little focus. The music, the garage, the beer, and my wife's decorations were it. I was there, in the middle of story book pages so well scripted that I had been hurrying to get to with urgency. At that moment, I felt like there were others out there feeling exactly what I was feeling. I was not alone. I was connected to others who struggle to grow and shed their hang-ups while maintaining that soulful identity.

I love the feeling that comes from connecting to life-changing music like this. That moment becomes a waypoint in your life that can help you navigate forever. That first listen to a piece of music this powerful is almost indescribable. Smiles and tears. Amazing. On the risk of sounding corny like a Hallmark card, my Christmas wish is for others to have that chance to hear a piece of music this holiday season that changes the course of their lives. I have added the song to the playlist on this blog for others to hear. It is called ‘Free’ by Street Dogs. I don't expect others to get what I got out of it. You shouldn't. We all feel a little something different. But music is very comforting. I can't imagine not having this joy. Now my oldest son and I share this. That is more than a little piece of mind.