I’ve been thinking.  Some may think that’s dangerous but I’ve been thinking.  Are we at a new normal?  Shootings.  Terrorism domestically and abroad.  Murder-suicides.  Xenophobia.  Isolationism.  Geopolitical and religious unrest leading to violence.  Racial tensions.  Donald Trump.  Do I need to go on?

Today I don’t want to write about sadness.  But unfortunately, I need to touch on it to take this narrative where I want it to go.  I am saddened by the perceived new normal.

I’ve been thinking that I’m writing too much negativity; Writing about too much sadness.  Yes. I review music now and then but it seems as if I’ve lost my inspiration.  Lost my humor.  Lost my enthusiasm.  But this isn’t a woe-is-me piece.  I’ve been thinking about keeping perspective in life.  I’ve been thinking about being a parent in this ever changing reality.  A schizophrenic reality.  How do I be a parent, how do I be a dad in this reality, this new normal?

I’ve been thinking.  And with the help of an inspirational acquaintance, I’ve come to a conclusion:

It’s not going to be easy.  But it’s going to awesome.

My normal doesn’t have to be negative.  It can be laced with excitement and creativity and learning.  And I can pass those experiences on to them.  Or…..they can pass them on to me.

An example of this is their imagination.  I’m tough on my family at times.  They spend way too much time on screens and social networks.  But one night I was reminded that imagination is alive and well in my two boys.  Three words: Liquid motion toys.  You know those desk/office tchotchke items that have water and colored oil in them.  You watch the oil drip through in some sort of hypnosis while wasting away your day in a cubicle dreading working for the man.  There’s the fancy kind with various shapes, passages, channels, spinning wheels and colors that look like some sort of trinket you could buy duty-free from and in-flight magazine on an international trip.  Then there’s the not so fancy kind that you can find at the dollar store that look like they were slapped together in a Chinese sweatshop.  You know the kind that you wonder if the seals are going to break and the water-oil mixture is going to end up on your carpet.  Those are the kind my kids have.

Both have the same toy which is roughly the size of a smart phone.  And coincidentally, my kids are dying for a phone which will not happen anytime soon.  Enter children’s imagination.  In their desperation to be tethered to a cellular network and behave like a grown up, these kids carry these liquid motion toys around pretending that they’re smart phones.  These two dingbats walk around the house acting like they’re on some super-secret mission critical important phone call with each other.  The funny shit is that you can hear them.  Everywhere.  The ‘range’ of their phones isn’t that good so they need to be in the same room so they can hear each other.  If they’re in different rooms, their volume increases.  So much for privacy and security, eh, Hilary Clinton?

But it gets better.  We were sitting in our living room the other night watching the Vanilla Ice Project and his latest Palm Beach renovation.  I was flanked by the kids.  One was sitting on the easy chair to my left and the other was on the couch to my right.  Apparently, these phones are ‘smart’ devices which they can check their email and update their social network statuses.  Neither of which do these imagineers have in real life.  Oh, and these smart devices have games on them too.  Both kids sat there narrating to each other the level of Minecraft they were on.  Things like, “I just mined diamond ore in the nether” and “Watch out.  There’s a zombie villager in that building” were among the banter back and forth between the two of them.  Eventually, they were playing on the same level and discussing how one would destroy the other’s creations.  It was really no different than back in the day saying “I just rolled and 8 on my 10-side die” and “That’s plus-8 magic points now your orc village is burning in flames.”

I looked at them both and then at the ‘phones.’  Yup.  These are STILL liquid motion toys with colored oil.  Nothing had magically changed.  I’ve been thinking about how lucky I am to have the fake cell phone imaginative experience with my kids.

I’ve been thinking about some of the simpler times we spend together.

With summer here, we spend a lot of time in our backyard drinking, burning things and having fun.  The other night, we were outside on the eve of yet another business trip.  We BBQd some hotdogs to which the boys devoured with a lack of fight which is pretty rare.  After dinner, a PTA mom came over to hang out with my wife.  What this means is wine will be drank; a lot of it.  She has two kids, one of which who is in Grom #2’s class.  Her youngest one requires a little more support.  That night got me thinking about support and perspective.

To get to the point, Grom #1 and I have been playing football in the back yard.  Running plays like post and flag patterns and XY fly routes.  As the game wraps up, my wife mentions that her friend’s little guy is enamored with the game happening around him.  She asked that I sit down and play with him for a bit.  I plopped down in the cool damp grass and ‘threw’ the football to him and he handed back.  Then I threw the ball up in the air a caught it.  As I did, he laughed and pointed higher.  So I threw it higher and higher and he continued to laugh harder and harder.  The smile on his face was immeasurable.

That got me thinking about the small things we can do to bring smiles and laughs to our kids no matter how challenging things are.  Grom #2 has had special resources during his development.  As a parent, things can be difficult and you sometimes ask “Why?”  I learned early on there was no way I could fix things for him.  But I can set an example of perseverance and unconditional love and support.  Together we can make it.  Anywhere.

Everyone has their struggles.  We have our successes and failures, our wins and losses, our strengths and insecurities and our loves and broken hearts.  And eventually, they’ll have all of those too and we need to be there for them all.  Every moment with my kids is an opportunity to teach them something important about life, compassion, determination, and perseverance.  And every moment with them is an opportunity for me to learn how to listen to how they feel and what they’re going through no matter how trivial I may find it.  For them, in that moment, it is everything to share with you.

“And that’s what dads do. They pass the best of themselves to their kids.” - SG