Showing posts with label The Promise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Promise. Show all posts

Thursday, July 28, 2016

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Dear,

Right now I don’t know where to begin.  Introspective moments come and go.  Time continues to march forward and life happens.

I woke this morning and while it has always been real and relevant, I found myself loving you more than ever.  Call it the weather.  Call it the day.  Call it the month.  It’s all of those.  But more importantly, it all traces back to you.  In a moment of introspective inspiration influence by love, our life and its memories we continue to author, and the sound track of our life, I’m driven to write to you today.

And I can’t even remember when the last time I took the time to sit and write to you.  Sure there’s the Post-It notes I’ve left around.  There’s the ridiculous text messages you get from me.  But when was the last time I wrote something of meaning of substance?  Even birthday cards, mother’s day cards, anniversary cards and sound the same from me anymore.  Remember our vows?  Remember the poem about the lion framed in our bedroom?  Remember that long email so many years ago about what you deserve in a relationship?  All of those were so long ago.

Those all originated from the same root feeling even though we didn’t know it.  We were in different emotional spaces for each of those.  Sometimes timing worked for us.  And sometimes it worked against us.  But no matter what stage or emotional space we were in, my life was leading me to you.

How can I list all of the waypoints and signs that should have made us recognize it from the very beginning?  I came up from L.A. to celebrate a wedding in Washington.  What I remember most of that weekend was what your mother said to me as she leaned in the passenger window of your Jeep.  “Take care of my sweet pea.”  And without pause, I gave her my promise.  It was never more clear to me than that one late night at LAX airport just returning from Washington.  I hopped in my roommate’s truck after arriving on a very late flight.  I regurgitated the weekend, the wedding, the people, and the feeling.  He challenged me on what I’d do next.  And right then I knew I was going to make it real.  I’ve told this story a thousand times but it never gets old to me.  That moment of clarity.  That moment I knew.  That moment I knew it was you.

I can still remember the proposal and knowing I was all in.  I still am today.  I had a plan but it was tough to pull off a secret on someone who loathes secrets.  Calling your brother and father for permission were all done while you were away.  Purchasing the ring required some lying.  Working late was a trip to Torrance to visit Robbins Brothers.  Go figure that karma would come back to bite me.  I nearly lost the ring as we pulled up to Jennifer Lopez’s restaurant.  The vale opened the car door.  The ring fell out of my pocket onto the ground in the rainy dark parking lot.  Being smooth on a date while trying to find an engagement ring under your car is a challenge.  Dinner was loud and imperfect.  The proposal on Signal Hill was thwarted due to rain and fog.  I was frustrated and I have no idea if you ever knew what was happening that night.  In the rain, I told you my plan for the evening had two parts; Dinner was one.  And the other was to ask you to marry me.  And like in the movies, there was hugs kisses and tears.  I remember asking if that was a yes.

We can reflect that things weren’t always a fairytale.  We’ve dealt with more in our first 18 months than most couples deal with in a lifetime.  When we bought our first home in Signal Hill, we thought we’d be there for years.  We were making it or at least it seemed like it.  Next, we got married and you rescued a dog and gave it to me on my 30th birthday.  You thought it’d buy you time from having kid.  True story but then the bottom of our life fell out.  How do someone deal with grief and suicidal thoughts as a newlywed?  You never strayed from me when I lost myself in a crumbling mess after he died.  But it got a little tougher on us when we found out your mom’s illness was cancer.  The same woman who made me promise to take care of you was staring at the reality of never seeing a child from you.  We both knew it was time.  Life became moment to moment.  We found out you were carrying Grom #1 and it was time to find an exit strategy out of L.A.  I quit my job and moved back to Washington while you stayed behind to sell the house. pregnant and alone.  Separated after a job change, death, cancer and pregnancy.  On paper, people could have counted us out.  Eventually the house sold, you moved, we found another house.  It wasn’t built yet so we were separated again.  You at your mom’s and me at mine.  Then Grom #1 saved us as we lost your mom.

These scars are our badges for holding on and making it through.

And here we are again.  Writing the next chapter of our life.  You’re in the hospital tonight and I’m alone in this house.  There’s never been a hurdle of life which we haven’t been able to overcome together.  You helped me face all the darkness in me by shining light in the spaces in between.  That kept me believing in myself.  You gave me hope to keep moving forward even when issues were dragging me down.

Somehow we found redemption.  We found a love that’s true.

Yes. We had to grow up from being partiers and punk rockers to become a mom and dad.  Sometimes you can’t avoid being responsible.  But it’s okay to do it with a beer in your hand and your music loud.  As long as we do it together.  After all, we still know how to throw a party.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

For this review on 'New Music Monday,’ I was left with a challenge of picking one of the three albums we gained in October. In September, it was a fairly easy choice. I opted to pick the album that I enjoyed listening to more than one that may have been more musically challenging. For me, the experience of listening isn’t always about the cerebral dissection of the arrangement. A lot of the time, I just want to be entertained without trying to write a thesis. This month, there are no odds on favorites to get my attention. Each is strong in the merit of music and entertainment. So how do I pick?

Here we go: All three were eagerly anticipated. One of them, I felt completely humbled as I listened. It was like a ghost was talking to me. My feelings for that band run pretty deep. Because of that, I think my normally oh-so-objective writing may be tainted. The remaining two, one is a pet project of one of my favorite performers and the second is a relatively unknown EP release from a female-fronted hardrock band. I am a sucker for all female bands and bands with female lead singers. Winner: female-fronted band. With the choice made, I can move forward on this hotly anticipated review I’m sure you are all on the edge of your seat to read.

The Letter Black
is a Pennsylvania-based band signed on the local Tooth and Nail Records. Having an acquaintance who once worked at the label put me in earshot of some of the most poignant musicians I had ever heard. I occasionally peruse the T&N website to see the latest releases. Upon one enchanted visit, I read of band to which I had never heard, The Letter Black. It used to go by the name Breaking the Silence which is coincidentally the name of the EP. If you know anything about Tooth and Nail, the label very rarely signs a band out of alignment with the label’s “directives.” This is a band firmly in line with those. It’s hugely uplifting despite the heaviness of the music.


It has one of those important characteristics that a good record must have. I can relate to it. TLB talks about faith, poor decisions, moving on, and believing in something Divine. It doesn’t hurt that the lead singer is easy on the eyes. As I said, I like female-fronted bands. TLB is the husband and wife team of Sarah and Mark Anthony with Sarah doing the lead vocals and Mark doing the lead guitar work. Saying this album is heavy musically and has a female lead singer will immediately get comparisons to mainstream acts like Paramore, Flyleaf, and Evanescence. The difference here, in my opinion, is the sincerity of The Letter Black.

Find it here: http://www.lala.com/#album/576742229319526817/The_Letter_Black/Breaking_The_Silence

There are significant musical differences here, specifically in production direction, when compared to those three. TLB is rawer and doesn’t have the overdone multi-tracking on guitars and vocals to fill out the sound. It’s rougher and darker and less nu-metal than the others. I would call this emo-Christian metal if I needed to put it in a filing cabinet. Listening to just the music, TLB sounds a bit like Dogfight. But as you listen to the EP, you pick up on subtle influences from genres other than just metal. The appealing characteristic here is the urgency in Sarah’s voice. There is a level of sincerity, almost pleading, in her singing. I was a fan of Amy Lee but got tired of the operatic flight in her voice. Sarah’s singing, while shrill, is convincing and is bent more to a punk rock ear.

With only six tracks on the EP, you don’t get too much material to evaluate their musical chops. Interestingly, this is enough to get a feel of what’s important to the band and to know it’s hugely motivated by Faith. This, to me, is refreshing to hear, and has a huge place in my heart and musical catalogue. So this is less of a review and more of ‘this is why I like this band.’ So let’s pick two songs to give a cross section of the EP Breaking the Silence by The Letter Black. For the record, neither of these are the best on the EP nor are they my favorite. (It’s ‘Perfect’ I suggest a listen to this one LOUD)

Collapse – The most obvious trait here is the honesty of the lyrics. There’s no metaphorical code to decipher, no waxing poetic, just flat out telling it like it is. Like I mentioned above, there is an urgent and fragile sound to Sarah’s voice. I would say that this song is ‘on brand’ for TLB. The drum line is heavy and marching but not at a break-neck pace, just a steady punch to the soul. The power chords drip over the beat in a dark melting wax type of way. I get the vision of a dark room, dimly lit with candles, and the lead singer staring out of the window further in to the darkness of the night.

Best of Me
– If there was a math theorem for the creation of a hit alt-rock radio song, it was used here in the writing of this song. Let’s see; use of strings + formulaic repeated chorus + anthemic lyrics + multilayered vocals + acoustic guitar. It’s pop-alt-rock borderline emo-country-something-or-other. Again, there’s a massive amount of sincerity in the lyrics and their delivery. But musically, it’s addictive like crack to listen to. It’s an ‘I-can-relate-to-this-song’ type of song.



I’ve never been outwardly religious. Let me rephrase that. I’m not a formal practitioner of brick-and-mortar-church-sanctioned-religio-indoctrinated followings. Mostly this was because I don’t like being told what to believe and not being allowed to interpret meaning. But I’ve been fortunate to have individuals in my life that have encouraged me to find and explore my spiritual beliefs in a way that was most beneficial to me. These same people introduced me to bands like Third Day and Jars of Clay. Yes, these are NOT punk bands but they are bands I recommend for their spiritual depth, musicality, and lyrical poignancy. The Letter Black is one of those bands.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Faith and Hope

Today marks a significant turning point in U.S. history. Years of scars begin to heal today as we look forward through the fog left by our past. Looking back, I hope we remember how grand this event was in our maturity as people, citizens, and a Nation.

As I sit here, I am caught thinking how I have never been so intent on following the leadership of our Nation. This campaign, I have found myself deeply rooted in emotion and pride. I know I cannot speak for every citizen, but I believe today is a major milestone in our rich history to which I am very proud to have been a part in deciding. Our 44th President has taken his oath of office. I am moved and hold tight to my beliefs that there is monumental change in our future. At times, life has been bleak and disappointing. Tomorrow there will not be immediate change. There will be no miracles overnight. Change will come in small incremental steps over the rest of our lives. But today marks the first step on a long journey of freedom where I feel extremely confident in the ability and desire of our Nation’s leadership to carry us honestly to a new day. Today is the day I will be able to look back and know, confidently, that I made one the best decisions in my capacity to help create a life and rebuild a country so that my two sons can discover, chase, and live out their dreams. I am grateful for this day of hope. All I have ever wanted as a parent was to know I was doing everything I could to create a better life for my family. To take them a step farther, to nurture them more, to give them the tools they need to believe. I feel like those who share these beliefs with me are now standing together in unison and thanking the Heavens for the privilege of Freedom. Hope itself is a miracle.

I have never been much of a fan of politics. I despise ‘The Man.’ Yet, with the need for hope, the need for something to grasp on to, I feel that I, as well as others, believe in the new direction and journey we are about to set forth on. Conservative or liberal, whether you believe in a Holy Spirit or magic crystals, whether you are confident in the future or are afraid of clowns, whether your play the slots or bet on the ponies, today is a day that no American can deny being epic in the fabric of our history. Collectively, we have grown and tomorrow will be a better day. Our Nation was founded on the anti-establishment beliefs that no one could control us, no one could tell us what to believe, we are all free to pursue our dreams no matter how childish, we are independent and we are strong, we are United, and we don’t want to drink your shitty tea. Today, we reunite with our youth as a nation and step back in to the treacherous path of prosperity and re-energize the imagination of millions. This fact has not fallen short on Son #1 either. He continually reminds us how the 44th President is ‘his guy.’ Today, he is telling everyone who our new President is. I am very proud of him. He is quite excited and even asked my wife why we did not go to the National Mall to participate in the Inauguration. In hind sight, I wish we could have been there.

Fortunately and unfortunately, he and Son #2 will never know a world of segregation and bigotry. It will only exist in history books. The new world will be his to sculpt his dreams and exercise his freedom, regardless of background, language, skin, hair color, or music preference. An unalienable right just as was decreed by our forefathers. The dreams of the Lincoln Memorial have reached the walls of the White House.

Quote:

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it)." – Barack Obama, January 20, 2009



Here is to change and hope, and more importantly, to the promise that it is not too late to turn this country over to our children in better shape than it is right now.