Now I’m not one to wait until marquee moments on the calendar to make changes in my life. I’m an advocate of implementing change when and where it’s needed. However, given my sincere and loathsome disdain for the fortune which the year of 2009 provided, I’m opting for a change in my stubborn behavior.

If you’re reading between the lines here, you’re correct, I’m going to practice the ancient, yet never followed by anyone, tradition of the New Year’s Resolution. I have an elephant load of behavioral modifications which need to be addressed. But in the essence of time and in the honor of actually completing a goal, I’m selecting my five most important targets. I’ve got to keep my goals realistic and reachable. Otherwise, I lose focus. I’m a dad after all.

Most people set unattainable resolutions such as ‘lose weight’ and ‘quit smoking’ and never quite get there. Resolutions become about setting unreasonable goals, never reaching them, and making a person feel like shit. Instead, everyone should to take a hard look in the mirror and consider the serious aspects that need improvements in your life that CAN be met. So let’s talk about the areas where I suck.

1. Exercise patience with the children
While inherently obvious, this challenge is probably the most difficult to succeed at. This resolution is about MY children. I don’t have to be patient with anyone else’s kids because it’s not my fault their kids suck.

In the recent past, I’ve been pulled in so many directions that it’s made it easy to misinterpret Son #2’s screaming and Son #1’s fits as plausible attempts at ruining my life. This isn’t the case.

Both are great little boys and most of my humorous subject matter here is in regard to them. Taking a step back from my misdirected temper will help me enjoy the beautiful moments with my children that will be gone all too soon.


2. Practice acceptance of unchangeable and sometimes intolerable aspects of life
The underscore of this resolution is the simple fact that I can’t control everything. Some shit, I just have to let alone and accept that it ‘is what it is.’

Here’s an example: People who drive motorized vehicles in Washington. I just can’t understand how some people can be licensed to drive metal coffins and be completely oblivious to the world in which they operate them. MANY curse words have been hurled through the air toward this segment of people and their inability to successfully and safely negotiate their equipment.

It’s a waste of my energy to obsess and curse during my commute. Therefore, I’m going to accept the fact that people can’t drive. Just one example of accepting what I can’t change.


3. Focus on balance in my life to reduce the health effects
It’s no secret that 2009 was an energy sapping sycophant when it came to my health. I joked about the fact that it was the only year that I had a flu shot and ended up with the most injuries, maladies, and illnesses of any time in my life.

There was that one year where I had meningitis, three spinal taps, and spent a week in the hospital. But 2009 was holistically worse. It’s obvious that it comes down to my Type A personality and my inability to balance the emotions with the occurrences in my life. Work, home, personal, professional, and etc. are all at fault here. Practice mental and emotional balance.


4. Refuse to join the latest pop culture phenomenon
Late night TV is bludgeoned with some of the worst exercises in advertising. Even worse than the ads are the products being peddled by these ads.

The latest craze: the backward microfiber robe called the Snuggie. With its purchase and adornment, you too can become a recluse that never leaves the house, never get a date for the prom, ruin your child’s social life while wearing it in public, and look like a complete tool. No thanks.


5. Refuse to save 15% on my car insurance
I’m becoming extremely relentless and homicidally violent toward British-accented reptiles, bug-eyed stacks of bills, and Cro-Magnon man with the increased frequency of Geico advertisements on television.

Three annoying ad campaigns don’t make me want to source my insurance needs to this company. Save 15% on my insurance? Eat it. I would rather funnel that 15% of my hard earned cash to an out-of-style vapid country singing insurance agent with State Farm. As disturbing a visual as that is, I’m not subject to the aggressive marketing spin with annoying jingles, slogans, and foreign accents. I’d pay 15% more just to not see hairy guys bowl.


My resolutions for 2010; some appropriate and some just because. Enjoy.