Showing posts with label Cheers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cheers. Show all posts

Monday, January 1, 2018


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It feels like it’s only fitting to scribble a few words down now that it is the end of 2017.  After all, I haven’t written anything here for over a year.  This used to be therapy for me.  Now I just can’t find the time to use it and just let things simmer in my heart and head.

Not today. Not tonight.

To my wife,

I can’t say there’s any one thing in particular that caused this moment of introspection but a series of simple waypoints of life reminding me of our story.  Then this was topped off by the right piece of music at the right time.  Remember the other day when I told you about that early morning instance of inspiration that I wished I could capture as a ‘lightning-in-a-bottle’ moment for use later?  This is that moment.

I’ve been thinking a lot about our story.  I don’t talk about it much nor do I need to.  We know how I has played out over time.  There are no Hallmark cards which can capture it all in prose or verse: Two healthy video game playing boys, two needy and anxious 40+ pound indoor dogs, and a male alley cat with six nipples.  Life.  There are too many tears, laughs, and memories to count.  And for all of it, I thank you.

Over the last few weeks I’ve found myself being more introspective.  I know it’s because 2017 has been a year that we’d like to get into the rearview mirror.  Complaining and whining about the tough times of 2017 would do an injustice to the great parts of the year.  But as I was sitting in the office this morning thinking about our responsibilities, I was taken back by a simple song.  A song and it rang so true to us.

I guess you could say that there are a few songs over the years:  “So Far Away,” “Jet Lag,” and “Future Day” are a few of them.  But this one today is different.

It’s brutally honest about mistakes. We had many along the way; from truths to lies to fears and failures.  There will be more and we know it.

It’s deeply soulful and touching.  As kids and young adults, we had our dreams.   This wasn’t what we scripted 15-20 years ago but things worked out better than we expected or even planned.

And it’s profane in the appropriate places.  After all, the kids know just how much we swear.  It’s about shaking things up in the world in our unique way and some people will be offended by it.

The song mimics our approach to life in all of its rawness.  It’s about handling whatever comes our way; maturity, kids, death, depression, suicide, friends and family.

We have always survived.

And to think, this year has its highs and lows for us but also the world around us.  2017 hasn’t been all that great at times and I’m looking forward to making it better in 2018.  But to even think that it was the worst year would be unfair to how far we have come and the direction we keep going.

We have had countless warm and unforgettable moments with each other, our children, our family, and our friends.  We were a part of a ‘voice’ in Olympia this year.  We taught our children invaluable lessons about inclusion, support, belief, and strength.  We were part of an ‘uprising’ of people who demanded to be heard and have justice.  We had friends and family step out of our lives.  They grew apart from us, or we did from them.  But no longer did those ties of friendship bind.  New relationships were made and old ones were re-established around our kitchen island over wine.  Much wine.  We lost inspirational role models this year.  At times it felt like a bit of our adolescence and adulthood were taken away as a result of the losses.  And then, we lost family at the most inopportune times testing the true bonds of love and support.  But so many uplifting instances continue to balance the negatives of 2017.  Looking back on the concerts and the music; Green Day, Linkin Park, and Vanilla Ice all were the fabric of our 2017 soundtrack.  Our oldest child is now a pre-teen 7th grader.  Not yet grown and still a mama’s boy but becoming self-sufficient.  He can finally spread peanut butter on waffles.  And our youngest, continuing to cut all the corners he can with his chores, wandering the halls of school, and being the force that consistently requires our guidance and focus testing every bit of patience we have.

Yes.  2017 has not been great but it has been enriching.  And without you on this journey, this path wouldn’t be as meaningful.  It’s a gross understatement but there have been countless tears, laughs, and memories this year.  But what is incredibly uplifting is having you join me on the countless tears, laughs, and memories that are still in our future.  Past, present, and the future of us…..I thank you for all of it and love you with every thread of this sometimes frail but deeply devoted heart.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Inspiration always seems to come at the most inopportune times. I used to spend hours and hours in my studio drawing and sketching. Music blasting in my headphones, I’d come up with the next wheel design or tattoo. Unfortunately, those cathartic moments are gone just like the studio in that old rental house in Long Beach. I draw a lot less now; almost never. What’s taken up my time are my boys and the off shoots in writing that you find here. I’ve swapped drawing and sketching for observing and writing. And I’m learning to be OK with this.

Back to inspiration and its timing. I was on the train heading to the office when something new and refreshing graced my eardrums. Thanks to Adrenalina for connecting me to this group. The song reminded me how powerful your network of friends and family can be in your life. I was caught up in the moment with the most pure appreciation for my friends and family who have supported me over and over in my life. This song had the power to replay all of those great memories with friends and family I’ve had along the way. And in that moment, I was so inspired by you all. But I couldn’t write anything as I was being audited by a fare enforcement officer to ensure I wasn’t freeloading a train ride to Tukwila at 5:30AM.

So here I am now, wanting to rekindle that inspiration, that vision, to put something reflective of how fortunate I feel for having absolutely the greatest friends. The song playing here on this entry is for you all and the journey we’ve taken together in my circus-like life:

“Brotherhood “ is a term that’s used too loosely in conversations about fraternities. You really comprehend the roots of true brotherhood when mass perception and the system are against you. There’s a galvanization when you and your closest group of brothers have a realization and are laser-focused on building a bond which outlasts time and withstands all collegiate challenges. To my brothers in my fraternity, we are bound for life by the Phi, the Kappa, and the Theta. We took turns steering the ship to its greatness. And while the years of life have separated us from the basement parties in our house and Hoodstock, we are just who we always were; Brothers.


He often calls me his spiritual advisor. And the first time he referred to me as this we were sitting at a little hut perched on a beach in Negril, Jamaica eating grilled cheese sandwiches and drinking Red Stripe. I don’t take this title lightly. Strangely enough, he allowed me to jump up on my soap box that day and whip his ass back into shape. We knew each other for no longer than a flight to Jamaica and the bus ride to Negril. Still, there was a connection deeper than I could ever understand. We occasionally reflect back on that first conversation and it reminds us how far we’ve come. We grew up but we’re still those two drunk dudes finding their strength to get back up and ride that donkey. He still introduces me to people as his spiritual advisor. And while there’s humor in it, I’ve found that his advice to me is as equally as empowering to me as mine is to him.


How do you stop a 6’4” angry drunk guy from hopping in his car and driving off because a chick wouldn’t give him her phone number? Lie down in front of the car on the cold wet Seattle pavement. Sometimes you do things with a reckless abandon that people question your sanity. And sometimes, you don’t think but react in a way that’s reflective of the respect and admiration you have for someone. And that’s what happened to me that night. I knew I wasn’t going to let him drive away that night. He was going to have to kill me first to do it. It was out of admiration that subconsciously taught us a hard lesson on friendship. We do this together. Always. Years have passed and well…..I married his sister and now we’re brothers.


In our lifetime, the internet has electronically made the world smaller. We have FB and so many networks that keep us engaged in each other’s lives. Before all of that, there were forums and chat rooms. Who would’ve thought that a forum about Gen5 Honda Preludes would introduce me to a friend that clearly is one of the few kindred spirits my soul has traveled with from the beginning. One car club meeting in Richmond BC reintroduced our spirits. And with that, the next 14 years blew through our lives like a hurricane. Great lengths of time sometimes separated our talks. However, we always had a confidence in the ability for the next conversation to level set us. And while I would never wish the setbacks he and I have had in each of our personal lives on anyone, I can confidently say that those episodes have added a complex web of trust and friendship deeper than any social network.


I don’t know too many people who’d drive from Long Beach to LAX at 1:30am on work night to pick up his roommate (me). I actually know one guy who did that just for me. Coming back from a Washington wedding late, he was waiting curbside for me to haul my ass back to our trashy rental in LB. And while the dude was abrasive and had an eternal pissed off attitude like he’d been listening to Pennywise far too long, he was always a loyal and dedicated friend in even the most thankless moments. I’m proud to know him and to have had those nights in Belmont Shore trolling cougars before it was cool. And now he’s married to a great girl and they have two wonderful kids. Even angst ridden young punks grow up to be great friends and successful adults.


Family can be a curse or an advocate; sometimes both at the same time. Sitting in my mom and dad’s house with my God-sisters and their families, I was humbly reminded of the support I have in them. I was also reminded by my oldest sister that at an early age I wasn’t a fan of the happy birthday song and hid under a table. But those memories with my sisters are priceless. We don’t get together nearly enough like we used to. There was a time in our lives where we got together every weekend for our parents to play cards. I miss those days when our innocence was exemplified by dancing around. While things are complicated with bills, kids, and jobs, I can always count on my sisters to neutralize my headstrong attitude with a reminder of my childhood behavior or masquerading as an ex-girlfriend to get me out of a horrible past relationship.


Being limited by the guidelines I’ve set for myself here and not wanting to bore people to death, I can’t offer all of my summaries about the appreciation I have for my friends. Just know that if you weren’t mentioned here, it’s by no means a slight toward the value you provide in my life. I’ve made great friends along the way and wish that time and bandwidth would permit me capture all of it here. But in light of time and miles being against us, have confidence in knowing that there’s no way I could ever take any of you for granted. Much of who I’ve turned out to be is a result of all of the influence (positive and negative) and lessons you have taught me in my life. Please accept my humble thank you for your friendship and this small token of bandwidth here playing a dedication to you. Cheers!