The recent addition to our family has me somewhat introspective as of late. Of course, being snowed in helps a bit. You get the opportunity to think and get a little stir crazy. The last few days I have had the chance to work virtually at home due to the weather. Being home during a work day poses several problems. One, you don't focus on any task for more than a minute because you get distracted by Lego Racecar games and potty breaks. Two, being at home generally means you are ‘not working’ to those who are around you. Based on the first item, I can see how easy it is to think I am not working. (Then again, maybe it is the loud punk music playing in my office that gives that impression). The third problem is that you worry your peers think you are screwing around which does wonders for the respect factor around the office. Oh well.

That being said, there is a little piece of mind being at home with your family on a work day and being snowed in. You get to participate and experience the processes of the day. First, wake up and pee in the toilet. Breakfast is next and 'I don't want hot chocolate and a muffin. I want hot chocolate muffins.' Then a show, then another show or screaming. Then lunch, monkey soup is the request. What the hell? Then 'I miss my friends,' followed by 'I don't want to take a nap.' This is just the oldest boy. The newborn eats and sleeps at the oddest of hours. It must be nice to be driven by pure impulse and only the satiation of what you need in that moment. Don't get me wrong, this is a great opportunity that I wouldn't miss. It's just that the oldest son keeps coming into the office, looking at the same pictures on the same desk, asking the same questions. Well, at least I know where the question is coming from.

My oldest son is pretty funny. He makes a song out of everything, singing a tune even when he is peeing. While it is annoying when you want him to bring it back a notch, it is great to see him so inspired by music. Those who know me know the importance of music in my life. I have never been able to do anything without some inspirational piece of music playing. I have always been a band nerd. Music and visual art are two things that have provided solace at times when I have been at odds with the struggles of life. While I have searched for perspective, I have always found comfort in music and art. My family is a major anchor in life. But if I had to pick something a little more nebulous in design, it would be music that anchors my soul.

One thing that is eternally difficult to explain is the feeling that music gives you. I find so much comfort in being embraced by the auditory pleasure of the perfect piece of music at the perfect time in life. It is about connecting to something bigger and not feeling so alone. Most people have so much hubris and will not admit to it, but we all feel alone and lost. Here, I am going to attempt to explain a feeling. There is that feeling, something immense that feels like you are at the cusp of something important but you do not know what it is. And may never know. I love listening to records for the first time that drop this on you. They do not come that often though but seem to come at just the appropriate time in life. There is that moment while listening to the music, the lyrics, the progressions, the meter that it just clicks and connects within. It is at that small wrinkled moment in time that you feel completely weak and naked to every feeling in the universe. You are exposed yet protected, hurt yet healed, lost yet led forward. The music is your spiritual path through life.

I had a moment like this a few weeks ago. I wanted to write about it but let it really sink in so I could compose its magnitude here. In a previous post, I mentioned my wife's Christmas decorations. She has millions but I find comfort in it. I was moving boxes of shit around in the garage out of monotony when a song began to play. The whole record was great. It was interesting to listen to, entertaining, and challenging at points. The final song of the album was called 'Free.' This song was not about the latest deal you could get at Wal-Mart during our harsh economic climate. It was about finding that direction we all look for. Standing there in the garage on a cold November morning with a beer in hand, I lost control. I broke down. The song was what I was feeling. I have been so hurried in life to get to my next chapter, my next page, that I lost a little focus. The music, the garage, the beer, and my wife's decorations were it. I was there, in the middle of story book pages so well scripted that I had been hurrying to get to with urgency. At that moment, I felt like there were others out there feeling exactly what I was feeling. I was not alone. I was connected to others who struggle to grow and shed their hang-ups while maintaining that soulful identity.

I love the feeling that comes from connecting to life-changing music like this. That moment becomes a waypoint in your life that can help you navigate forever. That first listen to a piece of music this powerful is almost indescribable. Smiles and tears. Amazing. On the risk of sounding corny like a Hallmark card, my Christmas wish is for others to have that chance to hear a piece of music this holiday season that changes the course of their lives. I have added the song to the playlist on this blog for others to hear. It is called ‘Free’ by Street Dogs. I don't expect others to get what I got out of it. You shouldn't. We all feel a little something different. But music is very comforting. I can't imagine not having this joy. Now my oldest son and I share this. That is more than a little piece of mind.